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In Medieval England, condemned prisoners were taken by wagon from the courts to the Tower of London where they would be beheaded for whatever crime they had been convicted. As a sort of "last request", the cart often stopped at a pub or inn where the condemned man could have a last drink before losing his head. Occasionally, the condemned man might meet or make friends in the inn, and when asked if the poor soul could stay and have another drink, the guards would be forced to say that it was not possible, for the guy was "on the wagon," and had to be moving on soon. The phrase is still in use today.
It was the accepted practice in Babylonia 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the "honey month" - or what we know today as the "honeymoon."
Before thermometers were invented, brewers would dip a thumb or finger into the mix to find the right temperature for adding yeast. Too cold, and the yeast wouldn't grow. Too hot, and the yeast would die. This thumb in the beer is where we get the phrase "rule of thumb."
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's." (OK, so now I know)
Beer was the reason the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. It's clear from the Mayflower's log that the crew didn't want to waste beer looking for a better site. The log goes on to state that the passengers "were hasted ashore and made to drink water so that the seamen might have the more beer." (My teacher never told me that!)
After consuming a bucket or two of vibrant brew they called aul, or ale, the Vikings would head fearlessly into battle often without armor or even shirts. In fact, the term "berserk" means "bare shirt" in Norse, and eventually took on the meaning of their wild battles.
In 1740 Admiral Vernon of the British fleet decided to water down the navy's rum. Needless to say, the sailors weren't too pleased and called Admiral Vernon, Old Grog, after the stiff wool grogram coats he wore. The term "grog" soon began to mean the watered down drink itself. When you were drunk on this grog, you were "groggy", a word still in use today. (next time you get groggy, just say you're paying tribute to the navy)
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice. (Wonder if this would work with my wife?)
In the middle ages, "nunchion" was the word for liquid lunches. It was a combination of the words "noon scheken", or noon drinking. In those days, a large chunk of bread was called lunch. So if you ate bread with your nunchion, you had what we still today call a luncheon.
only 30% of us can flare our nostrils
21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do (saves time getting in )
Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly (now where do you put that quarter again?)
40% of women have hurled footwear at a man
85% of men don't use the slit in their underwear
67.5% of men were tightie whities (briefs)
the average bra size today is 36C....whereas 10 years ago it was a 34B
85% of women wear the wrong bra size
3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations (is there something wrong with that?)
13% of us admit to occassionally doing our offspring's homework
91% of us lie regularly (the other 9% probably lied on the survey)
27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz
29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store
50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods (and some people think I'M cheap)
90% believe in divine retribution (the other 10% don't know what it is)
10% believe in the 10 Commandments
82% believe in an afterlife (the other 18% will jump on the bandwagon when death calls)
45% believe in ghosts
13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail
29% of us are virgins when we marry
58.4% have called into work sick when they weren't (see above for the lying ratio)
10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item (isn't that illegal?)
Over 50% believe in spanking---but only a child over 2 years old
35% give to charity at least once a month (does this count pennies in the box for candy?)
69% eat the cake before the frosting
When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton
85% of us will eat Spam this year (not me)
70% of us drink orange juice daily
Snickers is the most popular candy (more than a Butterfinger? no way)
22% of us skip lunch daily
9% of us skip breakfast daily
66% of us eat cereal regularly
22% of all restaurant meals include french fries
14% of us eat the watermelon seeds (do you want a watermelon growing in your stomach?)
only 13% brush our teeth from side to side (I hold my brush & move my head)
45% use mouthwash every day
22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink
Nearly 1/3 of U.S. women color their hair
9% of women and 8% of men have had cosmetic surgery (and still didn't help them)
53% of women will not leave the house without makeup on (thank goodness!)
58% of women paint their nails regularly
33% of women lie about their weight
10% of us claim to have seen a ghost
57% have had deja vu
49% believe in ESP
44% have broken a bone (want to hear about my broken ankle?)
30% of us know our cholesterol level (70% don't want to know)
14% have attended a self-help meeting
15% regularly go to a shrink
78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home
46.5% of men say they ALWAYS put the seat down after they've used the toilet, yet women claim to ALWAYS find it up (ok, who's telling the lie?) (see the Rules & deal with it)
30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat (have you looked at the public lately?!)
54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet
23.5% admit they don't always flush
45.2% pee in the shower (now that's just being low down & common)
44.9% pee in the ocean
28.1% pee in the pool (I'm never going swimming anywhere again)
55.2% will let someone else come in the bathroom while they're using the toilet (want to hold this....doctor told me not to lift anything heavy)
39% of us peek in our host's bathroom cabinet. 17% have been caught by the host.
81.3% would tell an acquaintance to zip his pants (hey!!...XYZ)
29% of us ignore RSVP
71.6% of us eavesdrop (how else are we going to start the rumors?)
22% are functionally illiterate
less than 10% are trilingual (que pasa?...di donc)
37% claim to know how to use all the features on their VCR (on/off works for me)
53% prefer ATM machines over tellers (can you say 'anti-social'?)
56% of women do the bills in a marriage (that's because they can still add & subtract)
2 out of 3 of us wouldn't give up our spouse even for a night for a million bucks (yeah right)
20% of us have played in a band at one time in our life (and boy did we suck!)
40% of us have had music lessons
53% read their horoscopes regularly (but not till the day after)
16% of us have forgotten our own wedding anniversary
59% of us say we're average-looking
90% of us depend on alarm clocks to wake us
53% of us would take advice from Ann Landers
28% of us have skinny-dipped. 14% with the opposite sex (why do the same sex thing?)
51% of adults dress up for a Halloween festivity (24% didn't need a mask)
20% of women consider their parents to be their best friends
2 out of 5 have married their first love
the biggest cause of matrimonial fighting is money
1/3 of us don't wear seat belts (got to control the population somehow)
12% of men never use their car blinkers (the ratio has got to be bigger than that)
44% of men tailgate to speed up the person in front of them (that's the best way to make me slow down)
25% of us drive after we've been drinking (the other 75% drink after driving)
4 out of 5 sing in the car
the average sexual experience lasts about 39 minutes (get the stopwatch out)
60% of men and 54% of women have had a one-night stand
women buy 4 out of every 10 condoms sold
men say the average erect penis is 10". Women say it's 4" ( this space '-----' is 6", right?)
56% of men have had sex at work
1 in 3 of us have had an extramarital affair
62% think there is nothing wrong with it
