Lenisms

(((((()))))) some of my views, thoughts & observations of the world (((((())))))

 

Learn to laugh at yourself, and you'll be a happier person.
If you're irreplaceable, you can't ever be promoted.
Don’t expect everyone to be as perfect as you.
Be careful of the feet you step on today....they just might be up your butt tomorrow.
Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy anything.
Why have your cake if you can’t eat it?
You don't have to remember anything if you always tell the truth.
Always leave with more than you came with.
It's better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission.
If you never try to win, then you always lose.
Happiness is not getting what you want....it's wanting what you've got.
You can't put your foot in a closed mouth.
There are two theories to arguing with women - neither one works.
Your half of the road is not in the middle.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never forget the people that were there for you when you needed them the most.
Don't sleep as much as you'd like.
Talk slow, think fast.
Call your parents.
That forty feet in front of my car is for my own protection - not for you to zip into.
Life is not a movie so don't even try to rewind to the good parts.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Silence is sometimes the best answer.
Forget the things you give, but remember the things you take.
I wonder why I wasn't born with my foot in my mouth since that is where it seems to be the most comfortable.
Character is doing the right thing when no one is looking.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Believe and trust in people, but lock your car doors.
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
No matter what happens, someone will find a way to take it way too seriously.
The most profound conversations you'll ever have are with yourself. Make sure you listen.
After about age 12, no one really gives a crap about your birthday - deal with it.
When life gives you a swift kick, just make sure it is in the forward direction.
I played, I tried, I won, I lost. Would I do it again? Oh yeah.
When you say “never again”, that only means for the time-being.
Dreams can come true, but rarely forever.
Never interrupt someone who is flattering you.
Your life is not measured by the breath you take, but by what takes away your breath.
When opportunity knocks, turn off the TV.
Last one out makes the bed.
The only cure for love is marriage.
Today could be the last day of your life so do something nice for someone.
On the keyboard of life, make sure you keep a finger on the ESC key.
"Bite me" is not an acceptable retort.
There's no such thing as pre-shrunk underwear.
How can I mind my P's & Q's if I don't know what they are?
The easiest way to get laid is to crawl up a chicken's butt.
Flexible people don't get bent out of shape.
The only way you can live your dreams is to embrace change.
It’s ok to be prudent, but there are extremes.
What is the point of non-alcoholic beer?
I don't mind hearing criticism....as long as it's not about me.
Don't change the channel when the ball is in the air.
I don't mind my wife having the last word....if she'd ever get to it.
What’s important to you probably doesn’t mean crap to someone else. Dates, times, moments fade fast.
If you have to open a door to enter a room, then close it when you leave.
Eat your hot dog from the top left.
Why do most women want to sleep on the side closest to the door....even after the room is rearranged?
Undertakers have buried many a person that had the right of way.
Don’t talk down to people. If they don’t understand, they’ll ask.
If you have no guilt, then you have no conscience. Or, you must be perfect.
Don't make fun of people without web pages......no E address.....that's a different story.
If you ever need advice, ask your teenager cause they know it all.
Time heals all wounds....except those that cut to the bone.
The only advantage I know of homosexuality is doubling your wardrobe.
“Don’t have time” is no excuse. You can always make time if it’s important to you.
Men...help with the housework, and don’t expect any thanks.
Nobody knows you when you’re down & out.
Don’t let your yesterday’s ruin your tomorrow’s.
If I knew then what I know now, I’d be very bored.
It takes about as much effort to step over something as it does to pick it up.
Keyboards are like women....you have to know which buttons to push.
If you say you won't, then don't.
Yard sale prices are not the only things negotiable.
Why does my guitar have 6 strings when I only have 5 fingers?
Never forget the good times, but don’t dwell on them.
A penny saved just clutters the top of the dresser.
Does anyone really know the words to 'Louie, Louie'?
Don't bite the hand that feeds you....it just may bite back.
Saying you’re sorry or you’re wrong really isn’t all that hard to do.
Expect people to do the unexpected....even when they say they won’t.
See that little thing on your steering column? It’s called a turn signal. Use it!
I'll never forget what I want to remember.
If you stop asking "why", then you must have all the answers. How?
Don't ignore or leave people hanging. It isn't very nice.
If you need anything, give me a call, and I’ll tell you how to do without it.
A sense of humor is free. You have to work to get a bad attitude.
A good nap clears the head.
Torpidity does have its merits.
Excrement eventuates.

 

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